Day 26 : Goodbye 2013

I'm sitting by a crackling bonfire in my terrace and just a couple hours into the new year, which means that it's a perfect time to review the year and look forward.

If I were to title my year, I'd call it the year I got serious.Something interesting happened & I realized that I wasn't actually on track for a lot of my goals, that I was going to have to actually get serious about stuffs.Near the end of 2012, I promised to myself that I will be a bit strict & will not be nodding yes to everything.Previous years helped me to know that these reckless yes'es made me lazy & also I was lacking my heart.I thought of others more than what I really want.In that way,I kept my promise.I kept my heart.

I'm happy to say that the productive year materialized, and that my focus on getting serious has intensified.

In short, I spent my year re-focusing on things, I built a bit of a discipline, and I worked my way. Most days were satisfying but uneventful, but there were some highlights worth mentioning:

FINALLY VRINDAVAN

Yes! Finally Vrindavan! Though I'm on the banks of Krishna Consciousness,I so wanted to go and be there!.I spent the first three days of January in Vrindavan with family & it was more than just beautiful.

PLAY HOUSE DIARIES

I finally launched my blog in march this year which took a lot of work.I needed strength and there was a kind of a positive pressure to write good!.No,it was not something big but I gained confidence with every post.

Also,I did December-X rays,which proved quite a success in my case.

MEETING GRANDMA

 After a long 4 year and a half,I finally got to meet my Grandma.I wanted to see her in last december but as I failed to catch my train on time,I had to wait for next 6 months to pass.There was a certain kind of mirror I feel when I sit face to face with her.I see myself as her,the way she deals with everything & I feel pride when I know that when I'm not wrong.Also,she's the best storyteller.

VISITED DARJEELING and BENGAL

It was on Dad's wish-list & the visit there was expected.I'm almost done with Himalayas of North-India but there was no such greenery and freshness as I felt in Darjeeling.I met new people,made new friends,had amazing food & also,got to speak a tons of bengali with everyone.You can see my Bengal diary photo-journal here.

IT'S FINAL YEAR

I'm now a final year graduate student of history.I became more sincere of my studies,completed & submitted all of my assignments & managed to get full on 5 in Mod-west history.The other half of the final year will start soon & I've already started gearing up for that.

READ TONS

I read around 50 books this year. Some of them were awesome, some were terrible (never trust Amazon editor picks), but overall this was overwhelming for me. I feel like I learned a ton, both direct learning from nonfiction books and indirect understanding of story structure from fiction books.
  
Thoughts on Next year!

STUDY STUDY STUDY

I'm not sure if it's physically possible for me to study more than I did in 2013,I would like to give it a shot.I got heavy dream-trodden goals to achieve and I can't let my studies to backfire on them.

NO DATING

I plan on putting zero effort into dating until 2016. I'm not going to be a total robot about it (if I happen to meet someone awesome, I'll follow through), but I'll spend no time or effort on that.I had a very poor year in this feild which I would really like to put a stop on that!

NO MOVIES

Oh boy! I'm no more spending a single penny on movie halls anymore.I realized except visual treats,I tend to wake up on a stranger's shoulder,sleeping all the way.

I will watch movies occasionally that Bhai would download it for me otherwise than that,No way!

PROBABLY NOT MUCH TRAVEL

I guess like 2013,I'll be doing an awesome trip to Kinnaur in May with my family, but I don't have anything else on the radar.( Yes,I feel bad about it).

LANGUAGE

I'm committing myself to learn 2000 common words of Spanish & may switch to Arabic as well.Though I'm a bit better in Spanish than Arabic,I would really like to join classes if I need to.

MORE MASTERPIECES

I went to four art museums this year, saw a ballet, three theatre, a piano concert, two musical festivals( both Sufi & rock) and visited four beautiful nature areas.Once a week I try to experience a masterpiece of some sort because I find they inspire me in an emotional way that very little else does, and they tend to be high quality entertainment.They need to grow in numbers.
P.S: Hearing to Abida Parveen was a great deal.Thanks to my father.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

New Years has no particular meaning to me, since starting a year on January first is completely arbitrary, and measuring your life in year increments is almost as arbitrary, but it does provide a convenient time to reflect on a past chunk of time and make adjustments for the future.

In other words-- I hope your life has been going well, and that it continues to do so, whether you use this time to reflect and plan or not.

Wish you all the best in future.

Day 25 : Perplexed?

"One's greatest weaknesses have the potential to become one's greatest strengths."

I coined this phrase when I was in a phase of my life when I was deeply struggling with emotional eating. I was experiencing so much mental, emotional, and physical pain; I felt that surely this pain could fuel great realizations to not only uplift myself but the world.

On that note, this morning I was really accepting that in this lifetime I have a perplexed mind. I have struggled with many heavy issues in my mind that deal with my bodily features, weight, or how I have had issues with leaders, men, family, friends. I've been embracing that these perplexities aren't good or bad. When I dovetail these perplexities for Krishna, my condition can actually be sublime. So many powerful realizations come when I surrender to the pain. I grow.

Then, when I share these realizations with others, they can relate with my struggles. Yes, I'm not alone. Then they can experience some hope and strength to overcome and transcend those struggles, too. If I can share my heart and offer this small service, then truly my weaknesses have become my strengths.  

Day 24 : The Sound of Silence

I walk through the cold and wet streets, the mehrauli evening seems so quiet to me. I enter the park and walk past dry leaves piled up against empty benches. Round park lights are already lit,like so many candle flames.I'm surrounded with trees & one or two glittering stars. The trees are all covered.

I gingerly sit on a cold bench before the old monument. I glance up at few bare branches which seem to reach for the sky.

Now, the world is silence - I seem to be surrounded by so much silence.

Every time I come here I feel this silence, and in that silence the emotion of gratitude always emerges. I feel grateful to everyone for giving me a reason to live. I feel grateful to Krishna. I feel grateful to be breathing and to be on the path of love, true love.

I close my journal and rise to my feet, gazing at the stars.I don't know why but I then kneel to the ground and touch my forehead to the cold concrete bricks in obeisance. When I stand again, I whisper, "Thank you " and turn around to leave.

Walking away, I can still hear the silence.


P.S: Few joggers thought I collapsed.I guess they thought right.I did collapsed in gratitude.

Day 23 : Today's Photo journal

1.Okay..the day started with her..Aparajita Pishi..after a long tim,she's here.

2.She bought a big pack of Jam-cookies for me!

Can't wait to be hungry!

3.I love her.Her smile got the power of brightening anybody's day.

Smile!

4.I slept again while watching Dhoom-3 with Pishi.

5.Rejuvenating chats with school-buddies.

6.A small momo-party with everyone.

 7.And finally..Big-Boss..

Leaving for dinner...

Day 22: In transit

 ---25th December 2013

 *-It's Christmas & I spent the whole day being at home & reading New Testament.I didn't stepped outside though I thought initially I would give a visit to Mehrauli's Church Lane wondering how beautiful it would be looking.Keren must be at Hall of Jehovah's witness,not because it's Christmas but because it's wednesday evening.Nothing really excited me than reading Bible.Matthews is my favorite section,I never go enough of it.Even Sen is quite impressed with my grasp of Matthews.

*-Christmas was much more interesting while in school.All the Crib-making competition & X-mas tree decoration & also Mr.Santa clause,distributing candies to kids.Nativity story was my favorite.Then,Thomas Sir,presenting a speech on the significance of Christmas in his malayalam accent.I almost slept once.Daisy mam loved me seeing I'm so interested in Bible as I was the one who used to enter Principal office with a Bible in her hand and asking for the meaning of a verse.Most fun part was Annual-Christmas Fair!
 

 *-Minnai & Mebin came up with a delicious eggless-Plum cake (especially baked for me)while singing jingle bells,after which they left for their service in Church.Their floor is decorated with Stars & lights.I love their X-mas tree.

*-I see my net-connection is not working now so I can't blog tonight.I'm feeling a sort of a itch in my mind.I'm dying to post my blog.I can't really miss it.I committed a 30-day blogging promise but seems it's not possible tonight.

*-(11:30 pm) Now the itch is gone.I'm back to my calm-state.It's okay.I have to be patient.There is nothing I can do about it,so it's better I sleep instead...


---26th December 2013

*-Maybe It's the breakfast or maybe the blessing to be happy from Panditji from Kedarnath shrine who came in the morning for the annual bhog-prasad.I was mad all day.I've been happy all day.I realised happiness is contagious.I literally spread it.

*-I did a story-telling competition among kids of which they eventually got bored.They prefer singing-competition.Anyway,they had a good day too.Spending time with them was today's star point.Clicking pictures randomly with my father was fun too (Chhoti-chhoti khushiyaan ^^ )

*-Internet worked in between but again no-connection.No blog tonight as well.I learnt a lot from yesterday so not much problem tonight.It's OKAY!. I have to post early,can't wait for night to fall.

*-I have a Chocolate bar & left-over plum cake in fridge! but I'm too full with Momma's Aloo-posto.

  ----27th December 2013

So,here I am.I was not being able to follow my promise to post everyday but I could not help it.Mr.Fix it came in the morning & fixed the problem &..Yay!

The past two days were good but as I'm writing here in transit,I realized I was working too hard,taking it as a project or a mission but it's not actually.It's meant to be fun.But the past few days made me to freak out over writing.Well..I know that anything that freak me out,I eventually run or just fly away from it.No..not because I can't possibly win over that but it will drain the whole juice of positivity from me,which would lead to a depression in my case.

It's Okay!

If I can write,If I have anything to write,I will.If I don't or any of my mood-swings jump in,then I will not.That's it.

*I discovered I'm intolerant to honey.I never tasted it before because of the smell but today I did,and I threw up.

*Also,my heart broke when 2-2 Aamir khan jumped off the cliff in Dhoom-3.Katrina was Hot in Kamli.Couldn't figure out if it was Circus audition or Stripper audition.Crap stunts & 'bande hain hum uske' was too much!

P.S: Longest post ever!!
P.P.S: No edits!!!

Day 19 : The Morning intuition

I'm nature obsessed since forever,so when Minnai (Midhuna) asked me to go with her to the park,I simply could not say no.

It's been a while that I woke up early.I wake up for my morning prayer around 4,no matter where on earth I am but after that I go back to sleep..I'm a goddamn sleepy-head.

So,in the morning when Minnai called around 7:30, I was like "mmhhm..hmmm..haan..yeah..I'll be there.." but I just couldn't get out of my bloody blanket.My head was talking all the crap of how to decline the offer but my heart was saying "Oh c'mon,she woke up & waiting for you,you can do it! ".

Finally giving a high-five to my heart,I got out of the bed & got ready.

Yeesss! I did it! but the first word that came out of my mouth when I stepped outside was

 " Fuck! "

but whoa...I braved that freaking chilly morning & completed 5 rounds of the park!

Yay! Yay!

Boy! I love her! ^^

Yeah,I'm wearing sandals -_-

Creepy Mebin!

Bruno!

eeeeeee..it's so coooold!

Day 18 : Laugh n' Laugh!

Oh man!

The Day 18 was one of those days when I wake up seriously laughing and then..I keep on laughing!

No,I was not dreaming funny (which I occasionally do) , it was Dad.He used my conditioner thinking it as shampoo and started complaining why the hell it doesn't lather!..Pffffft.After that,a series of laughter incidents hooked up which just made 23rd december a bright,shiny,lovely day.

Previously I was contemplating on why people don't laugh much.The other day I was talking to one of my friends and when I asked him this,he said..

"Maybe it doesn't matter.They don't care they laugh.They only care how they don't end up crying."

Yeah..people don't care.I thought a lot about it and arrived at a hypothesis that it’s not that they’re depressed, it’s that they’re distracted. And laughter, it turns out, is not something that happens when we’re distracted.

Enough of 'thought', now, after a day laughing like a crrazzzzyy & gone completely bonkers,I'm in no mood to end this day but I have to goooooo...as I got to go with kids to the park tomorrow morning & so got to sleep!.Kids giving me a hard time! Why morning? :/

I just hope I keep on laughing,keep my love ones laughing (I try..I try best) and keep attracting those who loves laughing on & off with me.

                                                             ***

P.S: Yeah I'm free-writing..that's my mood rite now you know!.Okay I better stop. (No,no rum!)

Day 17 : Registered emotions

It was my Mother's birthday today.

Over the years, I wanted something to give in a written,in my hand-writing as a present to Maa to let her know of my feelings.Ofcourse she's aware of that but I wanted it in practical.

I bought a register in the starting of the year and wrote everyday,writing everything I felt for her or think about her,weather it's love or anger,I jotted everything down.Though there was some time,actually most of the time,when I couldn't possibly stop writing,cause I felt it was not enough.I felt like I could write another page and one more and more..

Today,after she came back from her bhagwad invitation, I presented her the register wrapped in golden foil and asked her to open it and read it now!.

Quite amused,she opened the register and started reading while I was staring at her for a streak of reaction on her face.

"You think so?" She said while flipping for the next page with a smile on her face.

"Umm..yeah..that's what I thought and so I wrote.."

"It is beautiful.I'm glad..very very glad."

She is glad.She is happy.Whoa..that's really satisfying to know that she now knows whatever I felt over the years and she respects that and love it!.I could only smile and feel the warmth.

After the pastry-cutting ceremony,she hugged me tightly.I really felt the love man!.

May be it was her 'gladness' spoke out...

My 'bhadra'-Maa :P

These two get the hell out of laughter!

Well,we were posing and then maa said something funny,again!

Day 16 : Profound memory

Today after a long time I was in ISKCON Library,simply sitting there and remembering the past glory days & tears stung my eyes.

Three years ago when I was physically and mentally into Krishna Consciousness, Prahlad and I took it upon ourselves to clean the Gita closet & to dress the Gaura Nitai deities of library in Temple. So I rolled out a sarong on the floor and we unfolded all of Their jewellery and clothes.

It was warm saturday and a slow Prabhupada kirtan was playing in background. We fell into a companionable pujari rhythm. Prahlad was fourteen, quiet and deep, and our rapport echoes much of older sister - younger brother.

Halfway through our service, I asked one of my hypothetical questions.

"Prahlad, if you were to die tomorrow, and you could go to one place anywhere in the world for your last day, where would you go?"

In his detached way, Prahlad shrugged. "I don't know," He continued to search through bracelets.

"Oh come on, Prahlad, just answer,"

"I don't know, why does this matter?"

"Come on," I cajoled, "The value of my question is that you consider what is important to you, and what you value in life. Just consider my question."

Prahlad was quiet, and we resumed our puja to Gaura Nitai. And then, in his nonchalant, profound way, he said, "I would go somewhere where I would cry."

I froze and turned to look at him. "Cry?"

"Well, cry with love. For God."

I was quiet for long moments. His answer rung in my mind. Then I said softly, "Thank you, Prahlad, that is a beautiful answer."

He tilted his head and smiled a little, and continued with his service.

Day 15 : Just Listen

                                                    How do I listen?

How

Do I

Listen to others?

As if everyone were my Master

Speaking to me

His

Cherished

Last

Words.

- Hafiz (14th Century Sufi Poet)

  
                                                                                          
The last two days with Sapna, I learned that one facet of humility boils down to a verb.                                                                        

Listen.

No, not hear. Listen. I have realized that it is impossible to be proud and to listen. Listening is a verb of the heart - it means that I set aside my own life, my own chatter, and my own ideas to look into another's eyes and absorb what he or she says. There is no agenda, no plan.

Just listen.

In the early evening, I remembered the Hafiz poem, and it began to echo in the halls of my strangely quiet mind. Each conversation became transformed, as if each one who spoke was my beloved master, and each word was the last words he or she would ever say.


I was disarmed by surprise. I rarely ever feel such unconditional acceptance.

I began to listen to people even as they spoke to each other. I found love in every word, even if that wasn't the intention. At times I wanted to walk up to someone, anyone, and beg, "Please, tell me your realization. Please tell me about anything, anything,"

When Sapna left after lunch, I slipped away and avoided crowds. Soon, too soon, the quiet of my mind would slip away, too, like water cupped in my hand.

Maybe if I content myself enough, I can listen with my heart beyond 2 days... beyond one week... beyond years...or decades...


"Open your mouth only if,what you are about to say is more beautiful than silence."
--Arabic proverb.

Day 14 : Some other day.

It's 3 a.m.

I'm back home,well along with Sapna.Damn,we can't really live without each other,seriously my bisexual-half!.It was a long day,I'm tired but can't call it off without jotting something down.Sapna's fast asleep.She's hell tired as in her words "Kolhu ke bail jaisa" tired.

Well,it terms of thoughts & Day-14,a lot happened but I just feel dizzy with whom to start.May be I can sum them up individually some other day.I need my "My-Time" again to give a stir to those thoughts & coming up with a crystal clear conclusion of everything.

So..for now..good night.

or a good morning will work fine too..pfffft.

Day 13 : Sapna Theory

It's been a long time that I'm staying at Sapna's.

I woke really really late and finding nothing worthwhile to do,I called up Sapna and said that I'm coming in an hour.Sometime I find it so silly and at the same time,I get so stupidly happy that we both don't need any sort of validation.We just do whatever we feel like doing yet we respect each other's space.

I know Sapna since 9 years and every time I spend time with her,I get to know a new face of her.Whoever know us,know that we are completely different.Whether its interests or style or outlook but also we both feel that nobody else can complete that void part of ours that we do to each other.Late night girly talks,buckets of shared tears,also some other things that I can't write here or else Sapna will kill me.

The other day Sapna vigilantly asked me what I think of her as a character as she was going through some emotional caricature.I said that She's hardcore responsible and I said another thing which we both can't remember now.She's responsible,not only as a daughter but also as a friend.She knows how to deal with everything,the reason I find my strength in her.Even if nobody stand by me,She will.

Like now,I have no idea what's going on her pretty head,but that just doesn't matter.It's better to leave her in her way and wait for time to reveal things.

We are done with Gobi ke paranthe and a movie night will start in couple of minutes.Ok,to be honest,I'm trying to finish this post..have to go now..The Silver lining Playbook is waiting for us..

Day 12 : Like a leaf

The other day I was just staring at a wall, just staring at this old, grey, textured wall. I observed how the sunlight diffused through the air, the trees above swayed and dappled the light. At one point, a breeze swept through the treetops and little leaves drifted and danced down in front of this wall. When the sunlight hit the leaves, they became glittering pieces of gold.

I was mesmerized.

I guess that memory came to me because right now I feel like one of those leaves dancing through the air. I feel utterly disconnected from any sense of grounding in this world. I don't want grounding. I just want to keep cascading through the air.

I have been cast upon the winds of memories for about a month. And while of course at some point the leaves (and me) will hit the ground, right now I feel as though I could drift forever.

Day 11 : That Fat Cat.

The Sun shone clear and bright in the fresh winter air.I had set out to terrace to spend some time reading in quiet.I felt that mushy sunlight enveloping me under its warm gesture.With that I pulled out my sweater & sat on the stair following to elevator room and started reading.

To my great shock..I just couldn't read dammit.My mind, wandering every other moment.I kept on re-reading a single para the whole time.Irritated with my mind,I shut the book and sat back sighing..just observing the pigeons and eagles and car-horns and aunty on other terrace.I felt like a lonely alien in a distant universe.I prayed to be spared from this.What was happening to me? What was the cause of this bewilderment? Why was I so affected?. I grappled to find myself.

The world around me seemed to disappear when all of a sudden,to my amazement,I saw a brown fat cat brushed past by me.After taking few rounds around me,without any fear of human,it crawled up  and comfortably burrowed himself in my lap,like making it his nest and went to sleep.Feeling his warm body deeply breathing,I experienced another kind of shock.WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE DOING?..and WHY ON EARTH I AM RESISTING IT??

I looked up.."What do I do now?".."Should I keep on sitting?.."..Like I can't move or he might get disturbed & scratch me!..I see he found a nice bed in my lap.I felt like let it be.Let him rest.But my back is like aching because of no movement and sitting upright...I prayed again.."..GOD! Please take him off!"

Hours passed as I sat motionless,fearing and being in service.From time to time,he moved and purred and digging his claws.His sleep seemed never to end.My back throbbed in pain by now.In my thoughts,I asked "Why is this happening to me?".I tried to strain my emotions...and waited.

Rest of the morning spent in an unusual gratitude.By the time it's 1 or something,my uninvited guest enjoyed a nice 3 hours of sound sleep.He awoke,jumped down to the cemented floor.I am not sure but before vanishing the cat stared at me with an innocent affection as if thanking my hospitality.I felt like a happy Pi whose richard parkar did looked back.

My aching back numb from strain,I collected my book and sweater,I got back to my room and tired,I felt like sleeping.

While lying down,I realized that our free will could convert a curse into a blessing or blessing into a curse.Yes,ludicrous as it was,that fat cat may have been sent to teach me the virtue of patience and forbearance.

Day 10 : Cured of romance.

I couldn’t post last night. I couldn’t. Whatever I wrote did not made any sense, maybe I couldn’t feel them. I guess I'm  still not making any point. I feel washed. I feel dry and brittle.

Though I’m not restless but not calm either. Nothing really happened except going back to a memory lane which still perfumes the present sometimes. I’ve realised that a slide back there always bring back some of the dry rose petals which got no value but just memories.  Sometimes happy, sometimes sad.

“Will I be able to fall in love again?”. I ask this particular question several times & the answer was always, “Let’s see”. I don’t know if my love was any..but fate have its ways.

I got romantically involved. But after Kabir’s departure, the hopeless romantic still smiles when it sees happy couple or red roses. But, I get involved in things which only my soul can possibly describe. My soul says..
“You got into cobwebs of passion and you drained all your poetry. You got nothing but a head to nod yes. And I have no idea why I’m you!.”

I don’t like to go to a point of explaining my personal suitcase I carry but only if I take out penny & spend it on my past, it would be “will that happen again?”

I guess ummm..not now.My heart still ponder over the death. The loss. The diary of that year still smells fresh & the pages are still crippled due to tear stains. I remember I wrote and wrote but was never satisfied. Only way I could let out my anger.

But now, I don’t feel enthusiastic.I just feel drab.

Jaded.

Cured of romance. How sad, the spark has died.

Just after writing this, I told all this to Sapna. She said..

“Don’t worry shaggy..It's so funny..this thought is another romantic notion of yours.You are ok..you are not cured yet.The romantic is still alive..”

Haha..yeah..She's right.I'm not cured of romance yet..not yet.

Day 8 : Blessed with Love

I woke up with a sore throat & an ugly headache today.This was one of those mornings which are not-so-beautiful-mornings.Well,after a couple of warm-lemon concoction & time,I was relieved.

After a long time,I met Shraddha today,my neighbor.She didn't seem well..She was sad.I invited her for a coffee and a chat.While talking,she all of a sudden started crying.It was quite shocking to see her crying infront of me who rarely talks to me.Moreover,that left me teary-eyed too.

She told me how much she's feeling deprived of love,affection,care & respect.She said she try her best to be with everyone but people don't respect her,value her presence.They do not love her as much as she do.She said that she don't believe in begging for love but she expects respect.

Now when I'm writing this,I'm wondering she's not the only person feeling that way.There are lots who are hungry for love.They want to be loved and respected.But that doesn't happen always.

I don't know how to explain that emotion or situation.I never felt deprived of love.I've been loved and still feel love in my life.That is grace I'm receiving always from God but I don't feel any different or great or lower/higher than any other being as God loves everyone.

I've been blessed with people who are always there for me,who loves me irrespective of what I do but for what I am.I may don't know who I am but they surely know and respect me anyway.My parents,my relatives,my friends..I do not know how much I love them but I just know..they love me!

For that I'm forever grateful.

While she was leaving,she hugged me tightly,cried a bit & said "I feel you more like a blessing..thank you..I love you..".

Tears stung my eyes again..I'm seriously blessed!

Day 7 : Debate quotient.

Pishi's here.

You know that when there are rounds of debates & discussions,laughter & wine.The best thing about her is that she doesn't try to impose her ideologies on others.

Right now,I hear voices of debate on state/politics.I personally debate in order to gain information,expand my version of knowledge & find a new perspective.

People expect others to acknowledge their thoughts and agree with them.People forget that If they got right over their beliefs then others too got their own respective ideals.Raising voice doesn't really approve that you are always right.

Debate should be done in order to find a proper conclusion not to snatch the liberty of the other person.If I know what I think is right only then what's the point of coming into a debate?.

                                                                           ***

P.S: I'll update this blog post later,I'm out of my mind right now (Rum effect).

Day 6 : What is Illegal?

Received a call from a friend in evening who is in Vellore now for studies.

"Sweetheart,I'm a Criminal now."

Today Supreme Court called back the Section 377 and Criminalized the act of Homosexual Sex.In a blow to gay rights in India, the Supreme Court overturned a high court verdict that had set aside a law framed in 1860 and decriminalized consensual sex among adult homosexual men.

The point is what is Illegal about Love dude?.How can law decide with whom I want to sleep with?.Where is the freedom of my own sexual orientation?.What is wrong with Law?.

Milind deora in his interview on NDTV 24/7 rightfully said that nobody should regulate someone's sexual preferences and what happens inside their homes.Globally, countries that believe in social liberties and freedom of expressions are decriminalizing homosexuality.

Ofcourse,he got a point.What British overthrew 30 years ago,India is still holding it so tightly under the wraps of ancient culture and religion.

It is quite absurd is when people connect a person's sexual orientation with religion.Now what religion got to do with this?.In any religion,a foremost element says to love one another or 'Love thy neighbour'.Well,it doesn't say to rape the opposite sex or beat your wife.It's better to be in love with the same sex than be in hatred with the opposite sex.

People who think it as a 'mental problem' then they surely need to educate themselves first.It's over 25 years that medical sciences had proven that 'same-sex' love is not a disease.If it is so then every left-handed person should be criminalized because they eat with their left hand.

The SC judgement is actually a  disgrace and surely need to be re-addressed.Indians who were not criminals yesterday but are criminals today?.It is a great day for prejudice.But today the law has lost, but love will prevail.If my Gay-friend do not have problem with straight people like me then how the hell I would have any problem with him.If you don't like Gay/lesbians,do not be one but one got no right to fit law into anybody's private lives.Stop War not Love!.Loving a same-sex person is NOT a crime darling.

As my friend said

"I wasn't a criminal yesterday but I'm certainly a criminal today and I do not propose to take the permission of their lordships on who to love or who to make love with."


"...Some men like Jack and some like Jill
I’m glad I like them both but still
I wonder if this freewheeling
Really is an enlightened thing,
Or is its greater scope a sign
Of deviance from some party line?
In the strict ranks of Gay and Straight
What is my status: Stray? Or Great? ..." ~ Vikram Seth (Dubious)

Day 5: Day OUT!

Today Aakanksha and me headed to Old Delhi after experiencing quite a home-lag.We both wanted it so bad.It was almost a week that we ventured out of our respective place and the day out proved medicine for both of us.

We did not had any plans to visit any particular place but to reach that other end away from home.We reached Chandni chowk,after that headed towards India gate and then C.P. & back home.

With her non-stop chattering over every other topic starting from BJP to that girl's nail polish,it was not boring rather quite refreshing.She doesn't demand nor complains but talks,a lot! for which I MUST get a Nobel Prize!

So..by the time I reached home I looked back to the day I spent and realized today was such a hurricane of activities and shifting plans.Coming down with a flu, so as the activity has heightened so has my sniffles and sneezes.

But on the walk tonight from Chattarpur metro station to home, I felt things in my mind kind of settle, settle... settle. Like leaves swinging back and forth as they fall to the ground. I still sneezed a lot in the cool air, but my mind became still.

Day 4 : Mystery remains..

Hard to write.

Nothing much happened and my fingers trying to find a proper word to describe the situation over the keyboard in front of me.My mind scattered all over and nothing productive is coming out of it.So,by being honest,I'm writing whatever is springing up.

The day passed,the evening blossomed & the night now.Its so quiet.Tranquility smeared all over.This part of the time,even nature knows how to relax.It's like even if the world is on fire there will be a time when it is just ashes and silence.But anyhow,there's a mystery I feel but couldn't decipher.

It's better to leave to this or else the time will pass and there won't be no more tomorrow to savor upon and to solve the hidden chemistry.

Good night.

Day 3 : Nostalgic Night

After dinner,I went on a walk up in terrace.I call it my Soul walk. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have walked up there thousands of times over the years. Each time I do,I carry my diary,my camera, I slip off my slippers and let my hair down, soaking in being away from everyone and everything, and letting the cementy floor kiss my feet.

I walked under the brilliant universes of stars tonight. I was wrapped up in a thousand thoughts, my mind a whirlwind of plans and responsibilities. But every once in a while my mind would settle and be present to the scents and stars and breezes around me, like a butterfly that lands upon a flower and becomes still.

While gazing down I realized tonight that I have lived in Mehrauli for 7 years.Seven years. As I write this I feel awe fall over me. Every cell in my body has changed since I came here. I have evolved physically, emotionally, and spiritually in ways beyond what I could have possibly ever imagined.

When I really looked up at the stars on this rich, velvet night, I felt that calm veil fall over me - I am so

so

so

small.

 

I mean, seriously. Me with my whirlwind of a thousand thoughts, things that I think are so very, very important... 

 

Um, not really. Time flows by in a great, vast river and I hope that every once in awhile I take the time to gaze up at the stars and remember that I am small and God is great.

Remember what is truly important in this flicker of a lifetime.

Day 2 : The Song of Sparrows.

Was savoring my pasta breakfast when I heard their song(yeah..chirping).They are so hard to be seen nowadays.So..I grabbed them in my camera.
Aren't they cute?

Spirit of Discovery

I sit here in a pool of light on my bed. The time is around midnight, and bhai in my room have long ago dropped off to sleep.


As I write this now, I am reflecting on why I decided to set out on this uncomfortable challenge to write for this blog. I plan to write (or post a photo, or video, or art...) every day for 30 days straight. An x-ray of my life, so to speak. I've been meditating on what I would even write all day, but I had an experience tonight that tells my tale perfectly.

The day spent gloomy.I totally hate it.So,this evening I went on a walk with Mridhuna to the Park.She's a 14 year old neighbour of mine.It's a chilly winter evening,not much people on our way.While taking a round of the park,she asked me If I would like to climb a tree.

"Whaaaat? Yeaah..Sure!".I was amazed and laughed and agreed instantly.

She found her tree,directed me the steps of climbing up.It was Fun!.
After sometime we got down with our hands soiled.I saw a fountain splashing water on grass.A sudden burst of energy filled me.I got her hand and ran towards the fountain.

"Let's Go Girl..Let's get drenched!".

I felt like a little girl with her.She laughed like a little kid feeling amused.
We jumped,we shouted,we danced under the fountain.I didn't even realize I was doing it, but Mridhuna called to my attention my gasps of amazement.I would take in a big breath of air, my mouth would open, and my eyes would widen and light up like matches.

Some people who were there for their evening jog keep laughing.I would laugh at myself every time I caught myself doing it.
While coming back shivering,fully drenched, Mridhuna said, "Didi,You don't seem like a 3rd year student.You're like me.You're like you're in this spirit of discovery. Everything is amazing, an adventure, fresh."

 And I realize that that is precisely the reason I am setting out on the endeavor of this blog. I'm here for the discovery, the wonder, the adventure. That an unplanned trip to a nearby park can be bursting with the color and vibrancy of a blind man just given eyes to see.


And this is how I want to live my life as an adventure,as a gift from God.