Day 30 : Conclusion

Today is the final day of this 30 Day X-ray,which started in December.


I sat on the railing of my terrace this evening. I let my thoughts settle, to become quiet, and I allowed the whoosh of the wind to enfold me in an embrace. 

In that space, I asked the Lord in my heart for guidance in my writing. He guided me, His voice came so clearly to me, like a bell ringing in the twilight. Now I feel clear on how to continue with this blog, Play House Diaries, and other writing endeavors.

In reflection on this experiment, I realize that publishing a post every day wasn't a challenge at all.

My challenge was to be vulnerable every day, to surrender every day, to trust in myself every day. 

With this blog, almost every day I have opened the composition screen of Blogger without a clue of what I'd write. I have been learning to trust that the inspiration will come if I just write - I don't need to work.

I just need to be.

Just be me. Let it flow.

And the words have flowed. As each day has passed, the words have flowed from my heart into my fingers, onto the keyboard, and onto the screen.

Today marks the final day, yes, the final day, and I want to thank you for sharing this journey with me. I am honored. 

 

When I embark on another 30 day x-ray, I hope you join me again in the adventure.

Day 29 : Letter,sort of.

It was the first day of the last semester of my graduation period.Anyway I woke up and reached room number 47 by 8:45a.m.It was a nice start but college do not amuse me.People are judgemental but brushing that thought off is not really an easy thing always.Still bluntly,I be me.

Ayushi and Yitika told me directly that I avoid them,that I do not call or text them and completely forget them during breaks.After getting home,I received a text from Sen saying that I'm a miser as a friend,same thing..No Call or Text.On New year's eve,when clock struck 12,Sapna called up.Yes,I missed it.Later,when she called again,I had to pass a storm.

Ok.Yes,I find no credit being that lost or ignorant which got potential of creating misunderstanding of 'avoidance' but what I believe is that I do not.I'm always late in these things but anyway,yes late,I always do reply.

To be really true,I never really miss anybody.I remember them but those thoughts doesn't qualify itself to go up to my table,pull out the drawer,pick up the phone and bloody text to make you 'feel' missed.I just know you are fine!.I remember you and this is absolutely personal thing.

I have no grievances against anybody.I just get lost in my world.I just live a sabbatical during breaks.Believe me,I surely do not avoid you.

I'm not much of a phone-person anymore so being in a world of "text-me" is hard for me but I'll try to get that habit on.


P.S: Because Sen,I got you read this and nothing changed your mind..I'll share the my Pizza..OK?

Day 28 : Nothing

Nothing.

Just nothing.

I spent the day whirling from one place to another yet I couldn't figure out a single memorable moment.A lot happened but I just feel...nothingness.Nothing filled me with love.I observed too hard.That was a spoil-sport.

Got to restore things.

Seems the soul-vapour already started.

Day 27 : The River

Exactly one year ago,I was in the holy land of Vrindavan, & was waiting for the dawn to shine so that I could finally attend the auspicious Mangala-arati.

Now I write this in my room,after the New Year party we celebrated in ISKCON where I took my mother too.She was thrilled to see how a large number of youth turned up for the party.For Krishna.

During the Kirtan,I was just sitting in the corner of the main hall,opposite the deities of Gaura-Nitai.It's so strange to realize two moments so different to each other.A whole year passed!

So much changed between these two moments.They are so far apart to each other yet so close.Images of past flashed infront of my eyes.Images of Sri Shyamsundar,Darjeeling,Kolkata,and today's.Moments of dancing in Kirtan,waiting for jeep & trains to arrive,smiling glances of my relatives,weeping with love besides a river,gazing up at Kanchenjunga,laughing with my mother till my stomach hurts & silly whispering of confessions to my love & Sri Radha Parthasarathi.

So much happened.So much.I just could sit back and feel humbled by the way time throw me into the river of memorable moments and carries me to my destination of life.I have learnt to stop fighting the current a long ago.Just go with the flow.

So,here the next year filled with many more adventures of my soul.May this river keeps me flowing with or without any hurdles and fills me with water of peace & love.

Sri Radha Shyamsundar,Vrindavan

Sri Radha Parthasarathi,New Delhi